55 Quotes by Andy Richter

Since she got a cause and stopped being funny. I think she's real funny, but lately it's all been hearts and flowers and tears and saving teenagers and creating a role model. And that ain't funny. No giggles there.

Robert called me and said, "I'm gonna be working with this guy Conan O'Brien who's taking over Letterman's show. Do you wanna meet him, maybe get a job as a writer on the show?" And I said yeah, I'm tired of eating baloney. I had started to apply for day jobs, which up till that point I had been able to avoid for three years, you know, waiting on tables or whatever.

When I first started working, it was a little bit like that. They said, "Come be a writer, but we'll find a place for you to perform somehow." Initially, I wasn't that helpful as a writer. Because, if you tell me what the bit is, I can come up with jokes for it. I can write dialogue, but what they needed was guys who could say, Okay, it's a machine where you put in a piece of fruit and pull on this lever and out comes a celebrity joke.

I have a wife and child, and I guess that would constitute a family, and sometimes I watch shows where the people aren't related. And I don't get nervous, get the sweats, and have to run out of the room. I mean, I can handle it.

I never just sit down and see what's on TV anymore. And also, I hate almost everything, so that keeps you reading magazines and doing crossword puzzles or whatever.

My ability to notice that kind of thing, the sanctity of the bubble that you create, has not been so good in a way, in that I notice it concurrently with actually doing the thing. I always notice it in retrospect.

Well, I refer to 'Celebrity Jeopardy ' as the short-bus 'Jeopardy,' because it is a lot easier. Like, there was a whole column basically naming stores in New York.

I was prom king. Which is actually saying I was the sixth most popular, because the five who were on homecoming were automatically disqualified from prom, so of course I have to look at it that way.

There are naked people in boots on a mountain top firing guns.