286 Quotes by Anthony Jeselnik

The world is full of horrible things...

Everyone has the same kind of fears; everyone has the same big problems in the world, which is, like, fear of death and I hope horrible things dont happen to my family, but they do. And I think people laugh at them as this great release.

It seemed fun to play a villain on stage and I wanted my jokes to be so good that I could just calmly tell them on stage.

I spent all night feeding the homeless to dogs.

I want to get a tattoo of the word irony, only misspelled.

I do dark [humor]. I like people who are silly and weird and people who are surprising and good at what they do.

I think brilliant stuff comes out of working with limitations. One liners are very limiting, but that's what drew me to them in the first place.

My sister is going to have a simple wedding. Just immediate family. And whoever the hell would want to marry her.

I like the idea of being the funny guy in the dramatic thing, playing a hit man with a weird sense of humor.