571 Quotes by Augusten Burroughs

I realized I'd only seen him at night in dim, flattering restaurant lighting. The sun was not his friend.

Meetings are the Hail Marys of alcoholics. You can do or almost do anything, feel anything, commit any number of non-sober atrocities, as long as you follow with an AA chaser."After I cut off his penis, I sauteed it in rosemary butter and ate it.""But did you go to a meeting afterward?""Yes""I wouldn't worry about it then.

Red hair is great. It's rare, and therefore superior.

This is what you should know about losing someone you love. They do not travel alone. You go with them.

Bulls**t,' I say. 'You chose to relapse. You didn't have to.' I hate it when alcoholics relapse and then act like somebody cut the bake lines on their cars. 253-254.

Bulls**t,' I say. 'You chose to relapse. You didn't have to.' I hate it when alcoholics relapse and then act like somebody cut the brake lines on their cars. 253-254.

The thought that usually accompanied these words was, *Because I need a drink.* Now it's because I need to go *talk* about needing a drink. It's like alcohol gets in the way even when it's out of the way. ~104

Sometimes when you work in advertising you'll get a product that's really garbage and you have to make it seem fantastic, something that is essential to the continued quality of life.

It's not that I was an outright nitwit of a child.