99 Quotes by Ben Elton

New York will always seem more real than anything Britain has to offer. It is strange that, although the majority of British people have never seen a skate-boarding body-popper, an exploding fire-hydrant, or anybody dunk a doughnut, these things seem infinitely more immediate and happening images than that jar of Horlicks which has stood in the cupboard for 40 years

Because they're twins. they've got each other, wolf. This is a tough town in a tough world. But no matter how tough it get - our boys will always have each other.

You... you don't look like a Jew,' she heard him mumble. 'What does a Jew look like, you fatuous bastard'? - 'Do you think I should have a nose like a boat hook, you stupid old prick!

You're mugging old ladies every bit as much if you pinch their pension fund

No!" Jimmy protested.

You think I look like a teletubby?

What a world, eh? Sometimes I wish I could just live somewhere on Radio 4.

I'm lucky because the strongest emotion I have ever felt is being in love, and that definitely informs my writing.

If only the strength of the love that people feel when it is reciprocated could be as intense and obsessive as the love we feel when it is not; then marriages would be truly made in heaven.