233 Quotes by Billy Connolly

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

Marriage is a wonderful invention; but then again so is a bicycle repair kit.

I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe in God but I don't think I do. But I believe in people who do.

People often say that football and boxing are the ways out of the working class and they are your ticket out of that kind of life, if you happen to want to leave it. But, for me, the library is the key. That is where the escape tunnel is. All of the knowledge in the world is there. The great brains of the world are at your fingertips.

If you give people a chance, they shine.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever becoming one.”"Don't vote. It just encourages them....

When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it?

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter

All anyone really needs to know about barbed wire is that it can tear the arse out of your trousers, give a cow a good fright, entangle a Yorkshire terrier for life, and is nasty stuff made by greedy men.