233 Quotes by Billy Connolly

Nothing means anything here. When they pull down an outstanding building, no one objects. Oh, maybe there's a wee protest from some collectors or something who take a picture of it before it vanishes.

I'm sure everyone in this room has been told a joke about that subject. I have many times and I've laughed, even though they are horrifying and shocking. . . . I think there's no boundary at all, whether it's that subject or another.

I'm a huge film star... but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f--ing minutes. I'm the only guy I know who died in a f--ing Muppet movie.

He's a millionaire yet every few seconds had to go 'f***'. What is he trying to prove? Is he trying to show he's bigger and better than everyone else?

I used to be a folk singer, but I was... dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog. And being a folk singer doesn't make you attractive to women.

I¹m much bigger in Britain than I am there. I'm well-known, but my name's That Guy in America. . . . People shout: "Hey ­ I know you! You're That Guy.

I've been a poser for f--ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.

I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce.

A lot of people are too easily offended. Religious people, for instance. They've been offending other people for centuries.