233 Quotes by Billy Connolly

Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. Get wasted all the time, and you’ll have the time of your life!

There’s nothing better than a fight, especially when you’re watching it from a safe place. You can yell encouragement! Hit him with the left, he’s a big Jessie!

Behind the proscenium arch, you can’t always hear what people in the audience are saying.

My stories are not story shaped, they’re me shaped.

Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cozy, doesn’t try it on.

Sometimes there’s a tackiness about Route 66 that out-tacks any tackiness I’ve ever seen anywhere else. And the Meramec Caverns are the pinnacle of that tack.

Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.

On George W Bush: That man sits at that desk in the White House with the button that can end the world. My father’s younger than him and we don’t give him the controls for the television.

I don’t believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It’s on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it’s supposed to give you a parking space. It’s worked so far.