233 Quotes by Billy Connolly

I once travelled to Adelaide on Emu Airways. I was 5,000 ft up in the air when someone pointed out to me that emus can’t fly.

Without arts programmes there’s only reality TV, and reality TV needs the arts to show it what reality is.

Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn’t too nice a thing to do.

I don’t understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I’m amazed what people come up with when they look at them. There’s one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.

A woman’s mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

People die all the time. It’s just that you’re not around.

It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he’s telling them all different things.

Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of car you drive, the clothes you wear, and so it would be patronising to go and talk like a welder. Welding’s a mystery to me now. You can’t go back, your life changes every day.