58 Quotes by Bob Monkhouse

I'd like to die like my old dad, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like his passengers.

I saw a specialist who asked me 'Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?'. I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas.

I'll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven't done something even mildly creative.

If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance.

With my wife it was sex, sex, sex...Yes, three times in 35 years.

It got up to 94 degrees today – that's pretty good at my age.

When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to?

You can always spot the employee playing golf with his boss. He's the fellow who makes a hole in one and says, "oops!"