58 Quotes by Bob Monkhouse

Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money.

I told them I wanted to be a comedian, and they laughed; I became a comedian, no one’s laughing now.

I’ll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven’t done something even mildly creative.

I came home and found that my son was taking drugs – my very best ones too!

I’d never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much.

I’m not saying my wife’s a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.

It got up to 94 degrees today – that’s pretty good at my age.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did–in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.

My wife said, ‘Can my mother come down for the weekend?’ So I said, ‘Why?’ And she said, ‘Well, she’s been up on the roof two weeks already.’