9 Quotes by Caimh McDonnell

My point is, I’m a fan of music, but jazz isn’t music. Jazz is some cockwomble in a beret, wanking himself off with a saxophone.”“Sax-a-phobic, are we?”“Don’t come that with me, Clarence from the E Street Band is a legend, but he’s not doing a twenty-minute atonal arse-clenching solo that sounds like someone sodomising a goose.

Good tip,” said Paul. “Just so I know, where is a good place to get shot?” He’d not yet realised that Dr Sinha was not at home to sarcasm. “Gluteus maximus – most definitely. Gunshot, stab wound – if you get the option, go ass every time.

They were in the corner booth, which had probably seen more crimes planned than anywhere else in Ireland, with the possible exception of the bar in Government Buildings.

He cursed himself for wasting the few minutes he’d had before having to flee his home on sorting through DVDs, rather than doing practical stuff like putting on some more clothes. At times like this, it was hard for him to run from the suspicion that he might be an idiot.

In the meantime, he was dotting the ‘I’s and crossing the ‘T’s, waiting for the S and the H to show up.

Tall, blonde, skinny. Breasts that looked so impossibly pert, they reminded Paul of intensely interested meerkats.

Money didn’t buy you an answer, just a nicer room in which to avoid the question.

Paul glanced across the road. The fox was now sniffing at the sandwich it had retrieved. Rather than eating it, it elected to urinate on it instead. As reviews went, it was pretty damning.

People say life is short, but it’s not. It’s long, so damn long – ye can’t help but make a mess of it. ‘Tis like roulette. You sit at that table for an hour, you might just come away a winner. You sit there long enough, and the house always wins.