190 Quotes by Carl Hiaasen

When I’m working on a novel of my own, I try to read mostly nonfiction, although sometimes I break down and peek at something else.

Cab Mulcahy was a patient man, especially for a managing editor. He had been in newspapers his entire adult life and almost nothing could provoke him. Whenever the worst kind of madness gripped the newsroom, Mulcahy would emerge to take charge, instantly imposing a rational and temperate mood.

You can do the best research and be making the strongest intellectual argument, but if readers don’t get past the third paragraph you’ve wasted your energy and valuable ink.

Obviously you have to make a profit to put out a newspaper. I’m not an idiot. But when the margins are in excess of 25 per cent you’re talking about greed.

Her given name was Lucinda but she’d called herself Juveline since age fifteen, when she’d been caught selling knockoff Burberry totes and a cop at the booking desk misspelled the word “juvenile.” Big.

There’s so much hate that we direct externally that we forget we have our own psychos. But that’s the role of the satirist – you have to examine your own country and say, look!

I won’t be making any friends in the corporate suites.

Garcia wondered why people with JESUS stickers on their bumper always drove twenty miles per hour under the speed limit. If God was my co-pilot, he thought, I’d be doing a hundred and twenty.

Nobody with an IQ higher than emergency-room temperature could ever believe that ‘death panels’ would be appointed to nudge the elderly toward euthanasia. Yet for idle entertainment, it’s hard to beat Sarah Palin’s ignorant nattering on the subject.