82 Quotes by Carol Leifer
- Author Carol Leifer
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My stand-up act is very clean.
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- Author Carol Leifer
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Oh, this is fun - went to a nude beach for the first time. Yeah, that's what I thought. You ever been to a nude beach? Thought it would be all sexy and hot. Oh my God, what a flubber fest! Everybody who shouldn't be naked is naked - didn't make me want to take off my clothes, made me want to take out my contacts.
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- Author Carol Leifer
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Stand-up comedy - I love this job, and I gotta tell you, folks - knock wood - it's been working. 'Cause I was one of those kind of people, even when I had a regular job, I couldn't even call in sick right. You know, I was like, 'Hello? Yeah, I can't come in today. I have scurvy.
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Time flies, though, huh? But I feel young. And do you know how I stay feeling young, ladies and gentlemen? I'll share my secret with you: I live in a senior citizen retirement community.
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- Author Carol Leifer
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I'm sorry I didn't have this revelation earlier. I sleep better and more soundly because I'm not participating anymore.
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They're all sources of material. What I love about what I do, the more you talk about your life, there are so many people who have similar experiences.
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- Author Carol Leifer
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I don't exercise. My philosophy is: No pain, no pain.
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- Author Carol Leifer
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Whenever I travel I like to keep the seat next to me empty. I found a great way to do it. When someone walks down the aisle and says to you, "Is someone sitting there?" just say, "No one except the Lord."
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- Author Carol Leifer
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It was a mixed marriage. I'm human, and he was a Klingon.
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