27 Quotes by Chic Murray

The boat was so old; it must have been launched when Long John Silver had two legs and an egg on his shoulder.

I first met my wife in the tunnel of love. She was digging it at the time.

If something’s neither here nor there, where the hell is it?

My wife went to a beauty parlor and got a mudpack; for two days she looked nice, then the mud fell off.

She’s a classy girl though, at least all her tattoos are spelt right.

My father was a simple man; my mother was a simple woman; you see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton.

My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.

After I told my wife that black underwear turned me on, she didn’t wash my Y-fronts for a month.

My parents never understood me; they were Japanese.