25 Quotes by Christian Finnegan

Jesus is a powerful guy in Hollywood. Not quite as powerful as Vin Diesel, but powerful.

Michael Jackson’s charity efforts? Mmm. I’m sure they have nothing to do with his molestation charges.

If you refuse to see Superman Returns this summer, what you’re saying about yourself is: I heart Al Qaeda.

I joined a gym recently. I don’t have the best history in the world of sticking with my fitness regimens, but I feel like this time’s gonna be different. I figure one of two things is gonna happen: either I’ll get into shape, or I’ll just resign myself to paying an $85 a month fat tax.

I was told by a physician to avoid any line of work where people need to, um, depend on me for anything.

The Smurf village was destroyed weeks ago and Bush has still not made an appearance. George Bush doesn’t care about tiny blue people.

The thing is, I hate political comedy. I personally loathe it.

There comes a point where the disappointments in your life accrue faster than you can find external forces to blame them on.

I think I speak for America when I say, nothing says NASCAR like Whoopi Goldberg.