73 Quotes by Colin Jost

So if you’re like me and you’re not always sure how to feel about your hometown, remember what Method Man once said: “I’m in between homes right now, but my last house was dope.

We have to remember that progress isn’t just a straight line upwards, O.K.?It’s a weird roller coaster where sometimes you’re screaming for joy, and other times you’re barfing in your own face.

That’s what Harvard was like: thinking you’re pretty good at something, then meeting someone who is really good or even one of the best in the world. And that doesn’t mean they get good grades. A lot of the most famous alumni left without graduating because their work became more important than school. People like Bill Gates, Matt Damon, and Mark Zuckerberg. And you know who did graduate? The Unabomber, Ted Kaczynski. The point is: Never graduate from Harvard.

When President Howard Taft was campaigning for office, someone threw a cabbage at him, and he quipped, "I see one of my adversaries has lost his head." BAM! You just got Taft-ed. Take a seat cabbage head.

Every single employee at WWE—from the stagehands to the lawyer who presented my contract—was ripped. There was a wrestler back in the day named I.R.S., and I’m now convinced he was just their actual accountant.

One thing I love about SNL is that we welcome hosts and musical guests from all over the country (and the world) with a wide range of social and political views. People forget that it’s a variety show, and that means a variety of viewpoints, politically and culturally. (And comedically.)

Average, of course, is so much better than below average. But when you meet people who are extraordinary, average feels humiliating. I wish it didn’t, but it does.

The reality is: Staten Island is like 90 percent of the country—it’s slow to change, but most of the people are fundamentally good people. They’re just set in their ways. After all, it’s an island. It has its own evolution.

One of my great joys in life was making a movie with Method Man, who told me he would never leave Staten Island because it was the only place in America where he could get pulled over and the cops were actually excited to see him.