134 Quotes by Craig Johnson

Walt, we need to go over a few things.” This had an ominous tone to it. “There was a time when this particular lifestyle had its place, the grieving widower valiantly sallying forth through a sea of depression and cardboard. This gave way to the eccentric lawman era, but now, Walt my friend, you are just a slob.” I.

I was brought up on a ranch but, because of my father, the romance of guns had somehow escaped me. In his eyes, a gun was a tool, not some half-assed deity. Guys who named their guns worried him and me. I.

I’d heard that they were going to stop teaching cursive in schools, which was fine with me, because then all us old people would have a secret code.

You keep going, and you hope for the best, and sometimes, maybe not very often, your hopes come true.

There are a number of smells I’ve loved in my lifetime, but few can compare with the smell of a bookstore.

Scientists say there is a noise that snowflakes make when they land on water, like the wail of a coyote; the sound reaches a climax and then fades away, all in about one ten-thousandth of a second.

I always wondered about men who spent their time trying to anticipate and know a fish in a world where man’s knowledge of each other could only be called scarce. It just seemed to be gratuitously ignorant for any man to think that he could think like a fish.

It is difficult to confrontmadness, because insanity is a stranger to reason and any reasonable response would be insane.

In my limited experience, women dreaded male statements that ended with “then you’ve got another think coming.” It usually meant there was a lot more coming, but in this case there wasn’t.