636 Quotes by Craig ferguson

....maybe fear is God's way of saying, "Pay attention, this could be fun.

I love the United States. I have applied for citizenship. I want to take the oath of allegiance on TV.

The most popular Valentine's Day gift is chocolate. In the 1800's, doctors told their patients to eat chocolate to get over a broken heart. They also thought if you're going to be alone, who cares if you get fat.

Being an American is something I wanted to be for a very long time, probably since I saw the moon landing when I was a child.

Being the executive producer of a film is not that difficult. It just means that you have some power. There's not a huge amount of skill involved, I don't know how much I'm giving away here. I feel like that guy on Fox, giving away the magicians' tricks. It's not rocket science, being an executive producer of a film.

An 83-year-old male prostitute was arrested. Police say he only charged $20 an hour, but for most of that time, he just talked about his grandkids.

All they teach you in drama school is how to do stage fights and be a pain in rehearsals.

Gas prices - it is $6 a gallon here. People in L.A. are furious. You can't tell, of course, because of the Botox.

This is my first week as an American citizen. It's amazing. Now I can vote in the general election - and for American Idol.