636 Quotes by Craig ferguson

According to a new study, our email is not as safe as we thought. How do they know this? They've been reading my email.

For a while, some schools across the country were banning spelling bees. For obvious reasons, of course - steroids

This book could scare them. The sex, the violence, the dream sequences and the iconoclasm - I think a lot of people are uncomfortable with that. I understand that. It was very uncomfortable to write some of it

I'm hooked on email. That's right, kids, I'm one of you.

I can't wait to see the debate between Ryan and Joe Biden. Biden is said to be already trying out different strategies. So far the one that Obama likes is where Biden pretends to have food poisoning and they cancel the debate.

Every year there's a jury at the Cannes Film Festival. Getting on the jury is very competitive in France. Not because the French love cinema, but because they love to judge.

I used to psych myself up before the show and now I do the complete opposite: I psych myself down. It's 12:30 at night, you don't want some guy yelling at you. You want some guy just talking to you.

Here in California, we passed a law against texting while driving. But there's no law preventing you from writing a letter while driving.

It takes a long time to become a lawyer because you need three things - a bachelor's degree, a law degree, and a desire to worship Satan.