636 Quotes by Craig ferguson

Here at CBS, spring also means March Madness. I love the name March Madness. I'm glad the PC police haven't made us change March Madness to early spring psychosis.

The problem with suicide is that it seems so flamboyant. It's camp. You have to be a bit of a drama queen to ever seriously consider it.

These days, young people watch TV on smartphones and computers. Young people with an actual TV set are harder to find than a picture of Anthony Weiner with his clothes on.

This job has explained to me who I am -- I'm not kidding, ... I always knew I was an actor, but kind of not. I always knew I was a writer, but kind of not. I knew was a producer, but kind of not. It's really a peculiar confluence of skills and experiences that put you in the right position to do this job. But I know now what I am. I'm this. Whatever this is. Now that I know this it's really helped me in my life.

That's the thing about terrorism - it works. Especially for the terrorists - they might not get what they want but it feels damn good trying.

If you can't trust, you can't be trustworthy.

The devil is not abroad at night in the form of a cat or a wolf or any other animal. He lives eternally in the hearts of men.

I view my own body as a petting zoo. I am the main attraction... And the only customer.

I'm a vulgar lounge entertainer, I don't need to wear a tie.