27 Quotes by D. L. Hughley

With a cigar like in life, you got to have some length, and some girth.

They had this movie called Juno about a teenage girl who gets pregnant and it's nominated for an Oscar. That's an unusual experience for me, 'cause when a black girl gets pregnant it ain't no Oscar. It's social work and a box of condoms is what that is.

I'm not gonna lie, I love the holidays. But Christmas was a lot more fun when you weren't paying for it.

There is always one person in the office that you want to whip their ass! If you don't know who it is, it is probably you.

Everybody wants to be great at something.

They didn't have to describe Jesus to me for me to know he's black. Jesus' first miracle was turning water into wine at a wedding. Now if that ain't black folk, I don't know what is.

Did you ever have the police follow you for so long, that you get suspicious about your own goddamn self? Maybe I did kill them people.

Black folks never bungie jump. That's too much like lynching for us. I'm gonna let you tie a rope around me and push me off a bridge? You must be out your damn mind.

Black folks never bungie jump. That’s too much like lynching for us. I’m gonna let you tie a rope around me and push me off a bridge? You must be out your damn mind.