221 Quotes by Dana Gould

The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.

Competition is the death of art.

Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?

The circus goes from town to town, so why run away to join it? It should be, I’ve decided to wait for the circus to come.

If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they’re a douchebag.

I know that big, important things don’t just come together overnight, but I’ve been me for a long time now and it’s still not working.

I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.

The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn’t that what death is for? Trust me, we’re all gonna stop aging...

If my dog wants to know why I didn’t feed him this morning, he may want to rethink walking out of the room when I’m telling him a joke.