221 Quotes by Dana Gould

They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward...

Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.

I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.

The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it’s so full of dreams. Actually, it’s because his skull was shaped like a turkey.

We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror – and it doesn’t have to stop there if you know how to live right.

I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!

A lot of people have a particular song that, no matter their mood, turns them on. With me, it’s Eleanor Rigby.

If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he’d be a lot like my brother.

My whole approach to marriage is simple: my wife will do something that drives me insane, I won’t say anything, and then, later, I’ll die of cancer.