221 Quotes by Dana Gould

It’s been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?

Approached literally, there’s but a hair’s difference between You’d better not pout, you’d better not cry, and Don’t scream.

The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.

Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?

There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.

That which does not kill you isn’t finished.

My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.

When you break life down, it’s about 100% time management.

One phrase you don’t want kicking off your obituary is, Never, in the long history of bungee jumping...