221 Quotes by Dana Gould

If you don’t believe in the living dead, how do your explain the Golf Channel?

I’m going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.

That which does not kill you usually circles around and tries again.

When I was in high school, girls made fun of me for liking vampire movies. Now, I’d be their king. Time machine, where are you?

If Jesus was a baby, there was a point, on that Holiest of nights, in that Holiest of mangers, where he made a big, Holy load.

Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.

Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?

Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans...

As anyone who’s ever adopted a dog will tell you, there’s always the fear that one day the birth parents will come scratching at the door...