4 Quotes by Daphne de Marneffe

We reclaim genuine space for our identities not by rushing headlong into simplistic remedies, but by engaging in the less glamorous spadework of paying attention to our feelings, clarifying what matters to us, asserting our point of view, and negotiating for change.

an "attachment injury" which comes about when one person in a couple fails to respond t the other at a critical moment of vulnerability of need. Typical moments include labor and childbirth, illness, trauma, loss, and times of transition. If a person feels betrayed, neglected, or uncared for by his partner in such moments, relational trauma occurs. the incident then becomes an organizing event and recurring theme that stands in the way of understanding and repair.

Exaggerating my partner's position allows me to fight with him, rather than ask myself the hard questions about what I believe we can afford. I delegate certain attribute to my partner -for example, recasting his reasonable concern as his "negative" approach to money- while claiming other attributes for myself- I spend as a way to "stand up for myself" in the face of my partner's "control" or to express my "sense of adventure in the face of my partner's" "inertia

One of people's biggest barriers to change is the illusion that they should have figured thing out by now. The reality though is that we're facing weird, new stuff, and the most fitting orientation, might be disorientation. After all, the cost of believing we've got it figure out is often a sense of stasis. One benefit of recognizing our confusion can be an openness to exploration and change