675 Quotes by Darynda Jones

Oh, yeah, this girl was going down. She had no idea who she was messing with. And, sadly, she didn’t seem to care.I hoped her drawer came up short at the end of her shift. Karma’s a bitch.

suddenly I’m that chick from Fatal Attraction. Next thing you know, I’ll be boiling rabbits.

If he were ever to break up with me, I would so be that stalker ex-girlfriend who stole his underwear and hid in the hedges outside his bedroom window.

I was like a small but devastating plague upon humanity.

It pained me to imagine who she would have become, given the chance. For the life to be ripped away from someone so young just seemed so terribly, terribly unfair. “Because you’re going to die soon.” On second thought, maybe she was better off. Away from other people and most sharp objects. I had a sneaking suspicion she would have become a serial killer. Or a telemarketer. Either way.

I brought out the most powerful tool I had in my arsenal. "If you resist," I said into Reyes's ear, "I'll be forced to Taser you."He looked at what I had in my hand. "That's a phone.""I have an app. You'll probably experience nerve damage. Slight memory loss.

He'd been in surgery for-like-ever, then in recovery, but they put him in a room because, despite the amount of blood loss, his wounds were no longer life threatening. "You here to get in my pants?" he asked."You're not wearing any pants," I reminded him. "You're wearing a girly gown with a built-in ass ventilator.

Garrett must have sensed I was awake. "Hey Detective," he said to Uncle Bob, who was now trudging across the grating toward us. "I think we're losing her. I have no choice but to perform mouth-to-mouth.""Don't you dare," I said, my lids still in lockdown.

It would be a miracle to solve this case. Luckily, I believed in miracles. No, wait, that was testicles. I believed in testicles.