175 Quotes by David Cross

If you want to reinstate the 14.4 billion dollars that Bush cut out of the veterans program then vote democrat.

I work a lot and I like to get out and work but the work I do to make the other work work I'm not very good at.

It’s just an easy catchall to describe a style because there are a lot of alternative comics who are completely different from each other.

What happened to our friendship? I really think it’s our obligation as friends to be brutally honest and be frank with them and say, ‘Look, I’m sorry, but your baby is fking boring.’

I’m pretty happy. I obviously have complaints about things, but for the most part, I’m on the above-average side of happy people.

The Bible is the funniest book I have ever read. It’s so funny! Right in the first six pages, it’s funny!

You cannot win a War on Terrorism. It’s like having a war on jealousy.

Most people who have kids are, “Hey, I want another me. I like me. I’m pretty cool, and I’ve got really great ideas, and the way I think is the right way to think. Let’s put another one of me out there.”

I think I could have a funnier, more economic sets. But that’s the comedy I do. And I understand if people aren’t interested in it and would rather listen to someone else. But I’ll never understand the anger people have toward me.