965 Quotes by David Letterman

Did you see Howard Dean ranting and raving? Here’s a little tip Howard – cut back on the Red Bull.

Insiders say that Trump is running for president as a publicity stunt. That’s not the Donald Trump I know.

God forbid I should be the last one to criticize, but I think may be Howard Dean has a bit of a problem because earlier today during a debate in New Hampshire, he bit off Joe Lieberman’s ear.

Incredible experience, watching a baby birth on the internet. It’s now my screensaver.

Hillary Clinton is now in Iowa. She’s spending every waking minute of her day meeting ordinary people, and it’s to prepare her for a job in which she will never again meet an ordinary person.

Newt Gingrich’s campaign is broke. All the money gone. So now he’s charging $50 for a photo. And for $100 you can marry him.

So the guy who shot Gadhafi was wearing a Yankees cap. Did you see that? If he’d had a Boston Red Sox hat on he probably would have missed.

Donald Trump has a great campaign slogan: ‘A complex world demands complex hair.’

Sarah Palin made her debut as a Fox News analyst. They finally found a job that she’s not under-qualified for.