146 Quotes by David Spade

There's always something funny about men chasing women.

You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that's depressing, or you can screw around and have fun.

Sometimes when I watch a TV season, your favorite shows die quickly. And then sometimes it's not your favorite, and they live on for 12 years.

In grade school I was smart, but I didn't have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having friends.

Success? You can't get a big head about it. When people stare at me, they could be whispering to their friend, 'That guy sucks! Have you seen him before? He's horrible.

I want to get back to my fighting weight of 98 pounds. I have the exact measurements of that guy from the movie, Powder. Right now, I am the reigning West Coast Powder.

I feel like I've got this anti-marriage thing, but it's less that and more I'm overthinking it to get it right.

I have no stories to sell. A lot of my relationships are with civilians, and no one wants to hear about those.

I've got to get on myself to be sharp, funny and loose.