146 Quotes by David Spade

The last girl I went out with blew me off. Now I call her with lame excuses to see her, “Hey, did I leave a penny over there?”

Horrible date all through high school and college. Here’s an impression of me on a date in high school. Come on, chug it!

Staying in a hotel this time. They put me up in a little bit of a shithole. Yeah. Just this side of rinky dink. The first 7 floors are a homeless shelter, but I’m on 8.

It’s good to do stand-up. It kind of wakes you up and makes you feel like you’re doing something. You got the crowd right there. That’s all fun.

I wish I had that carefree lifestyle. But I guess I’m more private, and more inside.

There are a couple hard things. One, getting a funny idea that people can relate to; a funny idea or a funny script; there’s a million pitches.

I’m scared of slipping up, of just doing a joke that makes me laugh.

It’s brutal. I see friends when their shows don’t work. Everything’s riding on making money and all the pressure and how people scatter when fortunes turn downward.

It’s just a campy blast. I just want to do as little as I can and make it good, and try not to sell out. I’m sure I will, but I’m just trying to postpone it.