146 Quotes by David Spade

On Sundays, I lay low, sulk a lot, and try to get my head together for next week.

My school of thought is, anything goes, but I can't do that anymore.

My older brother was cool, so I was suddenly cool by association. And I totally dusted all my old math friends.

With Saturday Night Live you're looking for any hook, any way to stay on the show.

The last girl I went out with blew me off. Now I call her with lame excuses to see her, "Hey, did I leave a penny over there?"

Everyone is so weird in L.A. that if you're somewhat normal, it's exotic.

I just don't like to go out and deal with the real world. It's scary.

Staying in a hotel this time. They put me up in a little bit of a shithole. Yeah. Just this side of rinky dink. The first 7 floors are a homeless shelter, but I'm on 8.

Whenever you get on the plane, the flight attendant will always tell you the name of your pilot. Like anyone goes, Oh, he's good.