139 Quotes by David Walliams

There's a sort of magic and music to comedy. Some words, some numbers even, are funnier than others. A Caramac bar, for instance, is funnier than a Milky Way.

We sit in a room for months trying to think of funny things.

I have a pathological fear of being on my own. When I'm with my own thoughts, I start to unravel myself, and I start to think really dark thoughts, self-destructive thoughts.

The most used piece of kit in my kitchen is my saucepan. I use it every morning to cook my porridge in. The least used piece of equipment? I'd say a food mixer. I've never used it, I don't really know what they're for.

It was very exciting to see Alan Sugar, so I think I've peaked with excitement for the evening, because I'm a massive Apprentice fan.

I think all those rules are boring. About what people can and can't wear. Surely everyone should be able to wear whatever they like?

I've noticed that once you leave London you do kind of become a bit more famous. People in London are a bit too cool for school. It's not so unusual to see someone from London in the street. But outside of London people are a bit more excited to see you and come out and support you.

Sometimes you meet people who can't swim. And I always think: 'Oh my God, that's extraordinary.' For me, it's always been a treat I just feel really happy in the water.

People think writing a children's book is something you could do in an afternoon but it's actually really hard.