713 Quotes by Demetri Martin

  • Author Demetri Martin
  • Quote

    I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.

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I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.

-Demetri Martin

  • Author Demetri Martin
  • Quote

    I used this product called 'I Can't Believe It's Not Butter' 'cause sometimes, when I'm eating toast, I like to be incredulous. 'How was breakfast?' ' Unbelievable.'

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I used this product called 'I Can't Believe It's Not Butter' 'cause sometimes, when I'm eating toast, I like to be incredulous. 'How was breakfast?' ' Unbelievable.'

-Demetri Martin

 

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