393 Quotes by Dennis Miller

And by the way, my belief is that if men were the ones getting pregnant, abortions would be easier to get than food poisoning in Moscow.

A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appeal to Southern blacks is obvious. He is a white man who lives far, far away.

Pat Buchanan is so homo-phobic, he blames global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Other than the bombs they strap to their chests, Ive got no idea what makes the Palestinians tick.

I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust me. I'm just doing stand-up comedy.

Laughter is one of the great beacons in life because we don't refract it by gunning it through our intellectual prism. What makes us laugh is a mystery - an involuntary response.

The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.

He lasted about as long as the dessert tray at Rosie O'Donnell's house.

I don't need to be born again. I got it right the first time.