393 Quotes by Dennis Miller

I've changed after 9/11. My friends are still my friends.Bill Maher is my friend. I don't agree with a lot of what he says. And there are times I think, "Oh, my God. How could he say that."

Michael Moore simultaneously represents everything I detest in a human being and everything I feel obligated to defend in an American. Quite simply, it is that stupid moron's right to be that utterly, completely wrong.

Martha Stewart denied allegations that she had been given inside information to sell 4,000 shares of a stock in a biotech firm about to go under. Stewart then showed her audience how to make a festive, quick-burning yule log out of freshly-shredded financial documents.

After 7 years of marriage, I am sure of 2 things: First, never wallpaper together and second, you'll need 2 bathrooms . . . both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in.

When you're sharing a mud hole with a wildebeest derriere in sub-Saharan Africa, that's a living hell.

Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

I like the show [Factor] because it's horny, but it's not skeevy. Where else are you going to get that nowadays?

Should I really care what kind of beer frogs recommend?