393 Quotes by Dennis Miller

How many of those dead animals you see on the highway are suicides?

[The Internet] ... is an amazing communications tool that's bringing the whole world together. I mean, you sit down to sign on to America Online in your hometown, and it's just staggering to think that at the same moment, halfway around the world, in China, someone you've never met is sitting at their computer, hearing the exact same busy signal that you're hearing.

The French are always reticent to surrender to the wishes of their friends and always more than willing to surrender to the wishes of their enemies.

In the late twentieth century, staying sober has become just as much an addiction as getting wasted.

Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women just want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.

The ACLU spent this entire holiday season protesting public displays of the nativity scene. Yeah, that's the problem with America right now: Public displays of Christ's birth, that's the problem. It's unbelievable to me. The ACLU will no longer fight for your right to put up a nativity scene, but they'll fight for the right of the local freak who wants to stumble onto the scene and have sex with one of the sheep.

When I said 'we', officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.

Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong.

If some unemployed punk in New Jersey, can get a cassette to make love to Elle McPherson for $19.95, this virtual reality stuff is going to make crack look like Sanka.