393 Quotes by Dennis Miller

The Mexican people I know seem to respect the country in a way that many spoiled brats who were born here don't. So come on over folks, the more the merrier. But please, sign the guest book on the way in.

Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?

Concussion? How the hell can they tell? They're *football* players, for chrissakes!

The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens.

Hey, Cunningham - Andy Warhol called. You're at 14:55 and we're tickin' big-time here, Chachi.

It takes zero politically correct people to screw in a lightbulb because they are perpetually in the dark.

Human beings are human beings. They say what they want, don't they? They used to say it across the fence while they were hanging wash. Now they just say it on the Internet.

Of *course* he needs to renegotiate his salary - the guy buys more snow than Seward did when he bought Alaska from the Russians.

I rant, therefore I am