333 Quotes by Doug Stanhope

Artist communities love to bullshit each other and glad-hand one another, and there's no room for the crippling honesty of comedy."I'm a painter" -- well... you don't...probably need to do that.. . . if you're painting something that doesn't exist, I understand that, I can appreciate- . . . but if your pain- 'oh, it's a barnyard scene in autumn'--well then just take a picture of a barn in autumn! It's way better than a painting! - Before Turning the Gun on Himself [2012]

I don't even understand the connection with 'died for your sins'. He died for your sin, well, how does one affect the other? 'I hit myself in the foot with a shovel for your mortgage'...

Everything that is going to kill you is extremely appetizing.

Life is like a movie, if you've sat through more than half of it and its sucked every second so far, it probably isn't gonna get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. None should blame you for walking out early.

There's no such thing as addiction; there's only things you enjoy doing more than life." -- Doug Stanhope

If you start to smell some of the shit, you start smelling all of the shit

Nationalism does nothing but teach you to hate people you never met, and to take pride in accomplishments you had no part in.

Some of the best nights in your life will never make it onto your Wikipedia page. Stop worrying about your credits and consider enjoying the day.You die at the end.

I kept a picture of me kissing my dad’s corpse on the forehead in my wallet for years. I’d break it out any time someone showed me a baby picture, just so they would know how it ends.