333 Quotes by Doug Stanhope

Doing stand-up takes the fun out of being funny.

People who want to kill other people are the last people I want to party with, because I get mouthy when I drink.

I think it's probably much easier to do political comedy from a two-party point of view, in that the majority have some sense of what it means to be one or the other.

You never hear in the news, 'Two hundred killed today when atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the agnostic stronghold in the north.'

I love playing in the UK because there are some topics that you just can't talk about in the States without getting run out of town. So let me just say this: Louis C. K.'s new show sucks.

There's only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs and the people who really sucked at doing drugs.

"This is Lakshmi Singh." It's like a tadpole dying in muck. Take a drink. Wet your mouth.

Race, Religion, Ethnic Pride, Nationalism does nothing but teach you how to hate people you have never met

When I used to drive on the road from L. A., one time in Arizona we went off-road to see what weird little towns are around. Loved Bisbee.