333 Quotes by Doug Stanhope

Pot is to narcotics what herpes is to social diseases; it doesn't count cos it's not really dangerous and it's too easy to get.

Sex is free fun for poor people.

Before you ask for the people to rise up and take what's theirs, meet the people, because they're really, really, bafoons.

Coward is the most misused word in our society.

I've never tried to drive my career in any particular direction. I've always been an in-the-moment, live-for-today guy. I've never had a goal, and nearly everything I've done has been an accident. I just play to me, and if I can amuse myself, I consider it a victory.

Abortion is green! I think its irrefutable, but people don't want to hear that. For most people, having children is an instinctual, natural desire and the last thing they want to do is believe that it has any detrimental side, or if they do believe it, they think it's different for them because they live in a gated community or whatever the reason...

Comedy is like music; it builds on itself. Once someone comes up with a theory or a different way of doing things, people start to mimic it on some level. That's why you go back to the guys you loved in the 80s... and it just seems tired now, because it was all foundation.

The ones that bother me the most are the media saying, He's like the next Bill Hicks. It's supposed to be complimentary, but then all these Bill Hicks fans show up thinking you're going to be like him, and then go, You're no Bill Hicks. And I'm like, I never wanted to try to be like him, I don't think I'm anything like him at all, and now you're mad at me for not being him because a journalist didn't have a better reference.

The Unbookables are supposed to be unbookable. That's what it's all about.