333 Quotes by Doug Stanhope

Shouldn’t the long-term goal of any society be complete unemployment?

Don’t eat a mushroom stem and see colors, eat the whole bag and see GOD.

If you need a baby that bad, go down to the pound and get one. Not even a baby – go get an old man. There’s unwanted people of all ages, pre-made and waiting for you.

There’s times to be dainty and times to be a pig.

Mutations are exciting, there aren’t nearly enough of them.

I’ve done coke ’til my nose was bleeding like the fourth week of Lilith Fair.

Old people always tell you: ‘When you’ve been around as long I have, then you can argue.’ As soon as they’re ripped off, it’s a different story.

Everybody’s angry. They’ve got nothing to be angry at, so they’re angry about nothing.

If you have a good product. You don’t need to advertise. You’ve done drugs? Did you ever see them advertised?