333 Quotes by Doug Stanhope

I used to be a partier, now I’m an alcoholic. It’s all in who’s judging you.

I’m not the one-take wonder that a lot people think I am.

It’s our flaws who make us who we are.

I couldn’t be a responsible enough parent if my kid was born with a new suit and a full-time job.

My first open mic, I drank a full pitcher of beer by myself. I wasn’t afraid of being in front of people as much as, Is this funny?

I’m gonna film my entire life and watch it later!

Here’s the path to sobriety: Play the Ron Paul drinking game. Watch CNN and take a drink every time someone says his name.

If you’re going to kill yourself just do me one favor: say it was because of my act. Can you do that? I need the press.

There’s a fine line between being a sicko and an adventurous spirit.