333 Quotes by Doug Stanhope

The revolution I was starting where I thought I could yell at 200 people in a bar every night and change the world didn’t quite happen.

In 20 years of comedy, I’ve probably had a dozen good points.

I love conspiracy theories. I used to just live on it. You know it’s all hype and garbage, but you’re still really paranoid afterwards. It’s fun entertainment.

Nothing against comedy clubs, they work. But when you’re sitting with a tablecloth and a candle and an appetizer menu, three-drink minimum, it can feel more like a dinner theater than a live experience.

I go on stage, it’s like I’m leading you into battle; you are not all going to be here at the end.

What did you learn in school that you still use today? Go ahead teachers, tell me. What? Fear, conformity, don’t question authority...

I don’t ever want to become Bill Maher where I have to find some strong opinion on something just because it’s in the news. That’s the guy that comes off like you have to be angry every week about new topics and snotty about something. That’s what I’m trying to avoid.

I believe that everyone should be treated as an individual. Women should be treated equally in the right to vote, sure. But if I'm paying to see a comedy, then I just want to see who's funniest, with everyone treated equally.

Comedy can always be taken the wrong way. If I do a bit that is meant to diffuse racism or sexism, I'm not going to avoid it on the chance that a small portion of the audience might take it the wrong way.