5 Quotes by Douglas Hackle

After logging into his computer and taking a few sips of coffee, Brian began his workday the way he always did: by closing his eyes and pressing his thumbs against his eyelids with the intent to kill himself by driving his thumbs back into the frontal lobes of his brain.

TERROR MAN. TERROR FACE. TERROR CLOWN. TERROR CHILD. TERROR MAN. TERROR FACE. TERROR CLOWN. TERROR CHILD.

A few moments later, the dude was deader than a dogshit-covered Chicken McNugget that’d been set on fire before getting tossed off the top of the goddamn Empire State Building.

Remember when I said I did volunteer work at a no-kill animal shelter on the same day I insulted Janet at the gas station? Indeed, I had visited a no-kill animal shelter that day. But only to kill all the goddamn animals!

Don’t be cross, boss.