119 Quotes by Elayne Boosler

My mother always said you could eat off her floor; you could eat of my floor too, there’s so much food down there.

We have women in the military, but they don’t put us in the front lines. They don’t know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, ‘You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.’

There’s only one difference between Jews and Catholics. Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn it.

The thing about breaking up when you get older, you just don’t have the steam anymore. “Oh, that’s it. I can’t start shaving my legs above the knee again.”

My belief is that guns are too easy to get in America. My belief is that the NRA has bought much of our congress, to the point that guns are actually the only unregulated consumer product in America. Think about that. It’s stunning.

I love my parents and they’re wonderful people, but they were strict, and I still look for ways to get even. When I got my own apartment for the very first time and they came to stay with me for the weekend, I made them stay in separate bedrooms.

Men put all kinds of expectations on you. They want you to scream ‘You’re the best’ while swearing you’ve never done this with anyone before.

Have you noticed that if you leave the laundry in the hamper long enough, it’s ready to wear again?

Why isn’t the movie industry forced to open its shooting locations to an organization that is there to advocate for animal actors? The industry isn’t allowed to pick and choose which movies using young children it will or won’t allow to be monitored. The vulnerable should be protected.