119 Quotes by Elayne Boosler

My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.

My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.

Here is what is needed for Occupy Wall Street to become a force for change: a clear, and clearly expressed, objective. Or two.

Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?

You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.

To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy.

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

Pigs are smarter than dogs, and both are smarter than Congress.

I pray if I ever find out I have only about three minutes to live it's during a basketball game, because then I'll have, what, 10, 12 years to live?