530 Quotes by Erma Bombeck

I have just come up with a wonderful solution to end all wars. Let me give directions on how to get there.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

God created man, but I could do better.

Cats invented self-esteem.

Never order food in excess of your body weight.

What does it profit a 78-year-old woman to sit around the pool in a bikini if she cannot feed herself?

Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-raising, they are unemployed.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

Bombeck's Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever.