530 Quotes by Erma Bombeck

Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.

A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. "What shall we name the other one?" I smiled. She was not amused.

Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.

Throughout the years I have set up my own rules about eating food: Never eat anything you can't pronounce. Beware of food that is described as, "Some Americans say it tastes like chicken.

Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake.

People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.

You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan.

Crocodiles have a smile I've seen on the face of every lawyer I've ever met.

Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.