530 Quotes by Erma Bombeck

Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

We've got a generation now who were born with semiequality. They don't know how it was before, so they think, this isn't too bad. We're working. We have our attache' cases and our three piece suits. I get very disgusted with the younger generation of women. We had a torch to pass, and they are just sitting there. They don't realize it can be taken away. Things are going to have to get worse before they join in fighting the battle.

As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.

Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn't even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.

There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it.

I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.

Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.

I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows.